Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Saluting the Sun

Inhale arms up, exhale fold forward. Inhale flat back, exhale chaturanga. Inhale upward facing dog. Exhale downward facing dog. Inhale one. Exhale. Inhale two. Exhale. Inhale three. Exhale. Inhale four. Exhale. Inhale five. Exhale. Inhale hop forward. Exhale fold. Inhale arms up. Exhale samasthiti.
This is often the dialogue in my brain. Or, mantra, really. I didn't actually decide to use surya namaskar A (sun salutation A) as a mantra. It happened quite by accident. In my first yoga teacher training, I was struggling to lead surya namaskar.  Even though I had done hundreds of them, even though my limbs and muscles knew exactly what to do without my thinking, my mind and my mouth couldn't keep things straight. I just couldn't remember the steps. My teacher suggested I write a script, with simple and clear language, memorize it and recite it over and over until the words became automatic. I did this gratefully; I was tired of feeling embarrassed from stumbling over my words when I led surya namaskars.  And it worked. You can ask me on a dime to recite surya namaskar A or B and I won't even have to shift brain patterns; it's become that innate.
But something else happened, too.   All of a sudden, I found myself practicing surya namaskar everywhere I went. Walking around the city. Riding the subway. In bed at night. In the shower. Even sometimes in meetings at work. Not physically practicing, of course (although I won't deny having the urge now and then to bust out a sun sal on the subway platform). No, this practice is different, even more powerful, in some ways, than the physical practice. To understand this, let me first offer some context.
Surya namaskars open the ashtanga practice. In most vinyasa classes, one will complete some form of surya namaskar. They warm the muscles, set the rhythm, explicitly attach breath to movement. They are devotional (bowing to the Sun Gods) and encourage humility before entering the more advanced poses. Traditionally, they are practiced facing east, as the sun is rising.  
Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, the Indian yoga teacher who brought us the ashtanga practice, writes beautifully about surya namaskars in his book Yoga Mala (originally published in 1962, in English in 1999).

The practice of the surya namaskara, or sun salutations, has come down to us from the long distant past, and is capable of rendering human life heavenly and blissful. By means of it, people can become joyous, experience happiness and contentment, and avoid succumbing to old age and death.
As scriptural authority confirms, “The Self cannot be gained by one devoid of strength.” With strengthened bodies, sense organs, and minds, [people] would become healthy and righteous, live long and intellectual lives, and be able to attain eternal liberation.
[People] knew the blessings of the Sun God are essential to good health. If we reflect on the saying “Arogyam bhaskarad icchet (One should desire health from the sun),” it is clear that those blessed by the Sun God live healthy lives. Therefore, for health- the greatest wealth of all- to be attained, the blessings of the Sun God must be sought (p. 34-35). 

What I love most about Sri K. Pattabhi Jois’s words is the assertion that strengthening the body is necessary in order to strengthen the mind. One cannot happen without the other. In fact, I remember learning that the asana (physical pose) practice of modern yoga was introduced as a way to connect the body, the mind, and the Self (feel free to substitute soul or inner consciousness or another name here). One cannot exist without the other. One cannot advance or reach liberation or be joyous when the others are not. It is why exercise is not selfish. 
The connecting thread between the body, mind, and Self is the breath. In the ashtanga (and subsequently vinyasa) yoga practice, each movement is attached to either an inhale or an exhale. It's often said "without the breath, yoga is simply acrobatics". The special thing about surya namaskars is the clear opportunity they provide to create a connection with breath. It is not the repetition of words in my mind that is so powerful (although they alone, I find quite soothing, like an old friend); it is the breath. The distinct inhale and exhale. The purposeful filling and emptying of my lungs. The effect is slowing, calming, grounding. We breath all day and all night. Yoga practice makes us think about it. Surya namaskars make us mean it. 
Here you will find a brief (and less than professional) video. I am leading you through surya namaskar A, in three variations. The first two times are the most basic and are meant for beginners. The next two are more intermediate and the final two are traditional (thus for a more advanced practice). Watch them. Try them. Practice them. Say them out loud. Say them in your head. Do all as basic. Do all as advanced. Make your practice your own.  
(NOTE: Traditionally, surya namaskars are practiced 5 times in a row. There are 6 here, so that you can see two of each variation. On your own, I suggest doing groups of 5.) 

Don't forget to breathe!


VIDEO: surya namaskar a

Monday, October 10, 2011

untitled

stories of new babies and recent deaths feel exactly the same
the beginning of the end
the end of the beginning
the beginning in the end
the end in the beginning
the beginning is the end
the end is the beginning
in between, 
trees blur and eyes close and time passing is ignored and remembered. 

dreams caught (4)

i don’t welcome you
unheld
released to the unwanting
go back, please
stay caught.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

happy birthday

the dawn of another year
delivers itself
wrapped in a package 
of quantitative measurement,
a specific set of decades
(three and one half, to be exact)
an undeniable doorway into a very new place
the sign overhead blinks “enter at your own risk”,
which is a laughable joke
because you have no choice,
you have to enter despite the risk.
it’s the only door there is.
and there you are, 
on the other side.
i’m there already 
and i see you  
in your slightly ill-fitting 
but somehow perfect
brown suit
leaning away from your table
legs wide apart
one arm draped over the top of an empty chair,
a proud statement about the collection of time.
maybe the chair’s occupant has disappeared from this room
and into another
twisting her curls
glossing her lips
making sure she matches your beauty.
you’ve thoughtfully placed your arm on the chair’s back
so she knows, when she returns
that she has a place beside you to belong.
maybe there is no she, 
no chair’s occupant,
and you drape your arm just so
to reserve a place in the world, in your life,
for something else. 
something else that you want to belong.
either way, 
there you are.
and i see you. 
the beautiful gold of your eyes 
seduces more completely than you realize.
the ghosts of Parisian past
can’t help but find you
can’t help but crave your company and affection.
and you see them.
every writer and artist and thinker
has found their way to you 
in your brown suit 
on your three- and- one- half- decades day.
a staggering beauty sits down in your empty chair
she wants to remind you that life is to be had, 
even though she can’t see hers yet. 
you do, though,
and you see her as she really exists,
sensual and still,
yet devoid of what it is you most crave.
but today
it doesn’t matter
today is a day of measurement 
a day of entering at your own risk
and you accept that,
with a playful smile
and a happy heart.
***
I dreamt this for you before your departure
because this is what i wanted to give you
this is how i wanted to see you, 
and now 
this is how i will remember you
in your slightly ill-fitting brown suit 
with your arm draped across an empty chair 
reserving a space for whatever is missing. 

acf

Sunday, September 18, 2011

dreams caught (2)

i love when vampires visit me.
don’t get excited (or horrified)-
the visits are embarrassingly rated PG.
they simply sit with me.
i enjoy their company because
worrying about one soul
is work enough.

acf
9.18.11

Friday, September 16, 2011

dreams caught (1)

last night i dreamt of you
the way the cuff of your pants rests at your ankle,
brushing the top of your shoe
just a few millimeters too high.
I wonder, but can’t ask, if you can feel that. 
acf
9.16.11

Monday, September 12, 2011

in 10 years

in 10 years,
i’ve had my heart broken 3 times, dented a 4th and 5th
i’ve lived in 4 apartments, in 2 states
with 7 different roommates
i’ve studied 3 kinds of spiritual practice
been in the presence of The Dalai Lama twice
and followed the advice of 1 spiritual psychic
i’ve voted in 2 presidential elections
and elected the winning candidate 1 time
i’ve celebrated 1 birthday with a date
9 without
10 in the company of good friends
i’ve survived all 10 holiday seasons alone
and kissed 3 men on new years eve-
two of whom were strangers
i’ve worked in 4 different schools
been promoted 3 times 
and almost tripled my yearly income
i’ve gone through 2 yoga teacher trainings
and earned 1 Masters degree
i’ve become an aunt twice
i’ve married 1 couple
i’ve traveled outside of the country 1 time
inside the country 5 or 6
i’ve broken 0 bones
but did herniate 1 disk
i’ve spent approximately $120,000 on rent
but have still managed to build a shoe collection numbering near 30 pairs, 
i regularly wear about 12 of them
and have never worn 2
i’ve lost 15 pounds, dropped 2 clothing sizes, and 1 bra size
i’ve had 5 different hairstyles
and 3 different hairstylists
i’ve had 0 valentines
0 kisses under mistletoe
0 romantic weekends away
0 love letters
0 hugs at the door at the end of the day
0 dates to my own parties
i’ve gotten 6 tattoos
planted 6 gardens
and received flowers from a lover 1 time
i’ve taught about 150 kids
read 100’s of books
but can only remember about 20 of them
i’ve ridden the NYC subway system more than 3,000 times
have had at least 4,000 cups of coffee
and probably just as many beers
i’ve had 3 email addresses
been on 5 dating websites
met 2 men i liked on them
0 turned into anything worth mentioning
i’ve been to 2 therapists
who taught me nothing about myself
i’ve spent well over 117,000 minutes in yoga poses
completed about 10,000 sun salutations
1,000 headstands
4,000 heart openers
and millions of ujjayi breaths
i’ve dropped the f-bomb over 11,000 times
and regretted it just twice
i’ve been in love 4 times
was loved back only once
and twice turned down possible love to protect someone else 
i’ve seen every female friend i have, except 2, coupled off
i’ve had 2 friends elope
counseled 2 friends to leave their husbands
witnessed 0 friends get divorced
i’ve been joyous at the birth of 10 babies
i’ve grieved the death of 1 grandparent
1 family dog
and countless dreams
i’ve aged 10 years
look 10 years younger than i am
and don’t know how many years i feel
acf
9.11.11