Sunday, September 23, 2012

i would drink from the fountain of youth

Let me respectfully remind you, 
life and death
are of supreme importance.
Time swiftly passes by
and opportunity is lost.
Each of us should strive to 
    awaken.
Awaken!
Take heed:
Do not squander your life.

--The Evening Gatha


i would drink from the fountain of youth
not to live forever
but to slow the passing of days
another day gone
and today i didn’t feel the touch of a lover’s embrace
another day gone
and today i didn’t hear my niece’s voice, a sound that makes my heart weep
another day gone
and today i didn’t feel the sun warming my face or the breeze rustling my hair
another day gone
and today i didn’t tell anyone i love them, not even myself

i would drink from the fountain of youth
not to live forever
but to have enough time to figure out if i am really living at all
this day and yesterday
and the one before that
did i live them?
or did i just exist in them?

i would drink from the fountain of youth
because one lifetime cannot possibly be enough
thirty eight years of searching
looking for my truth
thirty eight years of aging

maybe i already had my drink
i have been blessed with a youthful way
the table of women near me in a restaurant last night
although we were born in the same year
looked a decade too old
hair and body and clothes and conversations meant for older women
women of an age i do not feel 
where was their sensuality
their zest and flair
drinking wine and eating previously frozen pie 
complaining about the men at home they seem no longer to love 
the children who seem only to get in the way
laughing at their common disappointments
i wonder
have they found their truth?
have they lived today
or do they just exist, too?

yes, i would drink from the fountain of youth
sip, slurp, gulp
i would let it flow over me
into my pores 
through my hair
over my breasts
and between my legs
and i would look for my truth in the water streaming away
carrying skin cells and hairs and dirt from the day
i would collect it and drink that too
giving my self back to myself
a gift from the past
to relive and discard
again and again
so that time never has to move forward

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